Louisa returned, and you can easily picture to yourself with what eagerness we renewed our ecstatic pleasures. At the same time, she became very unhappy at Tom’s estrangement, which neither of us could account for. About a fortnight after her return, she came to me one day in a state of lamentable distress. She seemed indifferent to amorous caresses, and on my pressing her to confide her evident cares to me, she, at last, confessed that, while visiting a poor person one night, she had seen Tom with a tall girl entering a house of ill-fame. Here she threw her arms around my neck and sobbed and wept as if her heart would break. I embraced and consoled her as best I could, promising to ferret out the whole truth for her, and telling her that I was sure there was some mystery about the affair which, when cleared up, would not be so painful to her. I swore by her beauteous self that I would never rest until I could satisfy her it was so and promised that she might fully trust in me. She. Right now I was just hoping that if I could convince her this might not be the end. ‘I guess I don’t think you were with anyone else, I just don’t understand why you haven’t been with me. It’s not like you don’t have an open invitation to be here, or do anything you want with me, but you’re holding back. I want to know why you won’t make love to me.’ ‘It needs to be perfect Tess, I can’t just do it.’ I heard her sigh. ‘Perfect for who? I know it will be perfect, but you seem to be scared. I want you so badly, and I know you want me. What are you afraid of?’ Her words were so soft, but she’d got me figured out and I was sure she wouldn’t settle for anything other than the truth. On top of that, I loved her, she deserved the truth. Thinking about what Charlie and I had discussed in the park, I knew I should tell her my realisations. I took a deep breath and grasped her hand securely. ‘I’m afraid that I haven’t changed enough, and if I do the one thing I do know how to do it will prove.
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